Ghosts in the Crack
by MeyRevived2
Summary: Post.16. Seishiro returns to Subaru as a ghost only...not quite the way he planned it...rated for language
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own X/1999. Clamp does. Sue me not.

A cookie to anyone who recognizes the British television show from which some of the elements in this show are taken.

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**Ghosts in the Crack**

**Part I – The appearance ('appearance is a good name for a ghost revealing itself! I donno scratches head)**

Black is the night outside Subaru's window.

Black are the curtains when looked upon from inside the room; the pale light of the moon's thin crescent outlining them silver.

Black is the room in which Subaru sits.

Black is the sofa on which the light onmyouji sits, save for a triangle of pale silver light from the moon.

Black is the floor, black is the small narrow bed.

Black is the hair falling on Subaru's forehead, nearly reaching into his redundant, damaged eyesight.

Black are his clothes where the light does not illuminate them.

Black are the old bloodstains of love lost forever.

Black is the soul of the man on the chair.

White is the fancy Armani suit the ghost wears as he materializes at the black corner of the black room.

Seishiro opens his eyes to see the man on the chair and a smirk blacker then Satan's soul spreads on his ghastly lips.

"…Subaru-kun…"

The lovely nine year old so plump and soft and beautiful had grown to be an equally fresh and lovely youth. The lovely youth was snapped broken, twisted like so many metal wires, and shaped into a new delightful, just as beautiful, painful young man. The painful, beautiful young man was twisted one last time, beyond what many would think possible, burdened with so much more anguish, squashed by a new force of sorrow and loss.

Seishiro never enjoyed creating something on his own as he did Subaru's current state.

This man, this lovely, lovely man, this breathtaking, bleeding, brooding, warped young man, had nothing but him on his mind now.

He saw nothing else but his bloodstained hands and blood-sprayed clothes, smelled nothing but rubble and sea air and blood, heard nothing but the thudding beats of his aching heart and those sweet last words, felt nothing but the soft flesh parting before his fingers, the blood pouring on his digits, the bones give in to the magical energy, tasted nothing but a true broken heart's bitterness. This man thought of nothing else but him, him, him and him.

This man was all his.

"Ah, Subaru-kun…"

This man blinked and cocked his head softly, the movement so soft and tiny it could have easily escaped anyone who wasn't watching Subaru for a time as long as Seishiro did. This man furrowed a bit with raven eyebrows naturally shaped to best frame his magnificent jade eye. This man's magnificent jade eye twitched at the edges, the pupil coming into focus.

This man had heard him.

…..

Eh!

Seishiro took a hesitative step backwards and sunk his ethereal body into the curtains.

Subaru heard him. Nah, it's impossible, _right_?

"….Subaru-kun?"

This man now snapped his neck towards him, clearly setting his blazing seeing eye on the brightly shining ghost at the corner of his room.

"S-Seishiro-san?...!"

Shit.

Seishiro took a few steps backwards and found himself hovering four floors above the bustling nighttime Tokyo street, October's chilly wind blowing through his metaphysical physic.

Now now Seishiro, there's no need to panic, now is there?

Panic! Nah, he's not panicking is he? Not at all….Everything can be regarded and analyzed logically, this way the situation can be better understood.

Wait a tick, since when does he _panic_!

Ah yes, he is dead, therefore the power of the Sakura no longer holds him in its grasp. That means his emotions are now unlocked and uncontrolled. That means he's feeling things.

Well, shit.

No! No! You will not panic Sakurazuka Seishiro! Emotions or no emotions you are not going to panic, you hear me! Don't panic!

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Wait, he's dead, what's breathing exercises gonna do!

Fine! No breathing, just don't panic okay?

….

Good, that's better.

Yes. Definitely not panicking.

Let's just calmly, rationally, look at the facts before us, okay?

Right.

_Fact A: _Subaru can see him. Perfectly logical; Subaru is the most powerful onmyouji since the great Obe no Seimei (by the way, there are rumors that he too was gay, they even made a movie about it! But that's beside the point! Focus Seishiro, focus!) which makes him pretty capable of seeing ghosts.

_Fact B: _This was not supposed to happen. He _specifically_ asked to linger in the land of the living, yes, but he asked to return as an incubus, a really powerful one that can mask its presence even from the strongest onmyouji.

The fact that this failed to happen can be perfectly explained like so: He, Sakurazuka Seishiro, is a bastard, a sinful, sadistic, murderous bastard and the likes of him are probably not the type whose wishes are taken into kind considerations. Stupid angels.

_Fact C: _With the Sakura's emotion-binding curse he is now showered with a rainbow of emotions, emotions he was not faced with since he was a mere babe. He cannot stop them, he cannot control them, and he cannot cooperate with them.

_All the aforementioned facts lead to Fact D: _He is stuck in the land of the living, about to suffer emotional swings to last for a hoard of pregnant women, obviously not the incubus he wished to be and therefore not going to even get laid and make things a little better, in perfect clear sight of Subaru and cannot do much to help it.

Nothing much to do about that fact now is there? Better just grin and bear it.

Yup, grin and bear it, and most importantly; _not to panic_.

…

OhmyfuckinggodSubarucanseemeandIcan'tcreepuponhimforsomegoodoldnight'svisitbecausehe'llseemeandkickmyassandwhatcanIdoaboutitanyway!Nothing!That'swhatbecauseIaintgottheSakurazukamoripowersnomoreandIcan'tfighthimandhecanTOTALLYexorciseme,forsure,nosweat,goodbyemister'S-Seishirosan,blush,blsuh'hellowmister'Hello,mynameisSumeragiSubaru,youmademylifeintoalivinghell,preparetodie!butI'malreadydead,hecan'tdoshitaboutitbesidesangstingandhewon'tevendothatbecauseHECANFUCKINGSEEMEandwhyangstaboutmedeadwhenI'MRIGTHFUCKINGTHERE,EH!

….

Well, at least he didn't panic.

Ei? What's this? Someone entering Subaru's room? Someone infiltrating the domain of Subaru-kun's chamber, which by law of property, means that it's _his_ domain?

Seishiro squared his shoulders, clenched his fists and stomped back into the room through the wall and the curtains.

A frail, lithe, short figure stood at the doorway to Subaru's room, one hesitative hand still on the door. The light from the corridor illuminated Subaru's slightly crouched figure sitting spread legged on the chair.

"Subaru?" The leader of the Dragons of Heaven whimpered his voice soft and tender as he could make it. Kamui stepped into the room determinedly, his face the complete mask of pity and pain.

"Go away. G-o a-w-a-y n-o-w. _My_ Subaru-kun, grieving over _me_, thinking about _me_, not you! Piss off!"

Subaru's head snapped towards Seishiro again, his seeing eye widening with surprise and warmth.

"Shit, I just said that out loud, didn't I….and I just said _that_ out loud as well, didn't I….and _this_ too…okay, I'll stop."

Kamui stopped his approach to the onmyouji, a hand raised to reach out for the man hesitatively "S-Subaru?"

Subaru returned his gaze, somewhat ruffled and confused, back to his leader, "S-Seishiro-san….I…."

Kamui's twitching face perfectly conveyed how he understood his good friend's pain.

"Ah, I made you worry…." The onmyouji snapped out of his confusion and spoke to Kamui. "You don't have to fret over me, I'm not having a breakdown or anything….Now that's not nice Seishiro-san, put that finger away."

Kamui blinked, confused, drawing his head backwards a bit.

He wouldn't be so confused if he, like Subaru, could see the big looming Sakurazukamori ghosts standing directly to Kamui's right flipping his middle finger before his eyes, bouncing his palm sideways from time to time to make the offence dance a bit.

But he couldn't see that could he, so instead he tried to put away what he thought were the first signs of his good friend's grief-induced dementia, and carry on the conversation as if nothing happened.

"Your clothes…you haven't changed them?"

His lithe little hand brushed across the left sleeve of Subaru's white trench-coat, dotted by dark brown stains.

"Hey! Hands off the merchandise twerp, Subaru-kun's mine and mine alone and only _I_ can play with him. Go get molested by your seme if you're bored."

"K-Kamui's s-seme?" Subaru cocked his head, "Who do you mean?"

"E-eeeeeh!" Kamui shot backwards frightened, "W-what are you talking about Subaru?"

Kamui stayed at the safe distance he drew between himself and Subaru for a moment to gather his wits again and reorganize his thoughts. No need to panic, so Subaru's raving a bit; it's understandable after all he's been through, no need to be too alarmed. At least he's not flailing or foaming at the mouth yet.

Yet! What's that supposed to mean!

Never mind Kamui! Ignore it and it'll go away, you're only encouraging him by reacting to his mumbles.

Kamui walked back to Subaru's chair and leaned onto the man, hands on each armrest, "His blood. It's all over you. Is that why…?"

Subaru looked away from the boy's near face, down to his chest where the white fabric was most besmirched by his dead love's blood.

Kamui leaned in closer, his eyes searching the other man.

"Now why are you leaning over him like that for boy? What's up with the 'I'll just bend over you and poke my ass in the air a bit now when there's obviously no one in the room WHOSE HEART BELONG TO SEISHIRO AND SEISHIRO ALONE to watch me do it', eh, eh, little runt!"

"Seishiro-san, please…."

"Push him away from you Subaru-kun, go on, push him away, he's trying to pull his twisted ickle uke tricks, the sneaky little bugger."

"That's not true and you can't prove it."

"S-Subaru?" Kamui's eyes were very much on the edge of pure terror and he observed his friend's eye, now turned to a vague spot somewhere near his right ear.

He looked downwards, concentrating on what he had in mind when he first punched the room's door handle.

"I owe you an…"

Subaru shook his head gently and focused his attention on the boy before him, "Stop it, Kamui. You don't have to apologize for taking me out of there."

"NO!" screamed the youth, banging his tiny fists on the armrests.

"Oh you are SO not going to pull the 'help me, I'm so small and vulnerable and I feel saaaaaaaaaaad' now." Seishiro sneered.

During the last ten minutes another _Fact _was added to his earlier cheerful list: he was completely unable to touch anything and affect it. Objects, people, air, none of these were affected by his body; he simply moved _through_ them.

This made pushing Kamui away from Subaru, yanking Kamui by the shirt out of the room, kicking Kamui's groin, pulling on Kamui's hair, scratching Kamui's face or poking his ribs, completely impossible.

And so Seishiro could only stand aside and watch as Kamui continued to perform before his property.

The boy had crumbled to the floor in the heat of his emotions, turning to kneel before the older man. His eyes screaming 'agonizing guilt' turned away from Subaru, his teeth clenched his delicate eyebrows ('bet he plucks them' thought Seishiro, 'the impish little uke'), Kamui confessed, "….I know it wasn't what you wanted!" tears of true pain wallowed at the corners of his large mauve eyes.

"Drama queen."

Subaru pierced Seishiro with a fiery glare.

Great, not only does he know I can't do anything anymore, he's using it to treat me like…well….like I deserve….

**_NO!_****OH, SWEETJESUSCHRISTISINHEAVENSPEAKWITHTHEDEAD, PLEASE DON'T LET ME FEEL _IT_, ANYTHING BUT _IT_…..ANYTHING BUT**…….**_GUILT!_**

Luckily, before another bout of panic unfurled itself upon Seishiro, Kamui distracted him.

Placing a gentle palm on Subaru's knee, Kamui leaned his cheek on Subaru's leg, staring forward half dreamily.

"Oh sure," Seishiro muttered bitterly, interrupting Subaru from hearing Kamui's words, "first your hand is on the knee, then suddenly it creeps ever so up your leg and the next thing you know…"

The onmyouji slammed his fist onto the armchair, "Enough! I've heard enough of you!"

Kamui flinched, hanging miserable eyes at Subaru.

"Ah! Uh….not you Kamui, please go on with what you were saying…"

Kamui looked at Subaru long and hard, scanning the man's face for any signs of involuntary twitches or the first foam bubbles at the corners of his mouth.

"No don't tell him to go on! Can't you see he's trying to seduce you!"

"Seishiro-san!"

Very slowly, very carefully, Kamui turned his head around to gaze over his shoulder sheepishly.

No one was there. Subaru is indeed going mad.

"He's in Super Uke mode and he's trying to snatch away what is rightfully mine!"

"Would you please stop calling him an uke already?" Subaru made Kamui flinch and pale, "if I recall correctly he was very much gravened by Kotori's death; she was his childhood crush."

"Childhood crush my metaphysical ass, Subaru-kun, the most the boy ever did with her was give her fashion tips."

"Come on…"

"Uh…S-Subaru…?"

"The normal humane male has an 'X' chromosome and a 'Y' chromosome right? Kamui has an 'X' chromosome and a 'U' chromosome, _that's_ how uke he is!"

"Oh hush, Kamui, would you please tell Seishiro-san once and for all that you and I are merely good friends and that you loved Kotori very much?"

Kamui was standing at the door by now after rising to his feet and slowly backing away from Subaru with the tiniest steps he could manage while avoiding any sudden movements.

"U-uh…yeah…w-whatever Subaru….I-I think I can hear Sorata calling me…or…uh…something….bye!" he shot out of the room, the door handle rattling as his shaking hands tried to close it as softly as he could.

Seishiro observed this with a huge smirk nearly splitting his face in half. "Much better, ne Subaru-kun?"

Subaru got up from his seat slowly, resting his little weight on his arms, and walked up to Seishiro.

For a moment there he stared up at the man's face, letting his eyes slip to his bright white suit from time to time.

Seishiro's smirk deepened into a mix between "Here's Sei-Sei!" and "You know you want me baby, admit it already."

The right hook Subaru sent at his opposing star swooshed the phantom's ethereal jaw, making the white mist-like substance blur for a moment before it re-gathered as Seishiro's face.

"Hey, what was that for!"

"You died on me you bastard, without even telling me about Hokuto-chan's curse so that I won't try to get myself killed by you, and worse of all you chose _that_ moment of all times to confess your feelings!"

Resisting a strange new urge to rub at the back of his neck awkwardly and to actually _mean_ it, Seishiro chose to switch his weight from one foot to the other instead.

This took Subaru by surprise; he took a step backwards and evaluated the ghost's behavior, mouth gaping in shock and eyes running all around the white clad body.

"S-Seishiro-san….Y-you….you're guilty!"

Oh shit.

No, don't panic, this is the worst time to panic!

"You're feeling things Seishiro-san, you feel guilt! Your emotions, they're unleashed from the Sakura!"

"Nonsense Subaru-ku…"

Ohshithe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontomehe'sontome,godfuckit,fuckfuckfuckfuckshitfhckshitgoddamnit!

"Yes, yes, obaa-san told me about it, about how the Sakurazukamori clan bind their newly borns' feelings inside the Sakura!"

"You must bear in mind, Subaru-kun, that your grandmother is a very old woman and therefore prone to mind illnesses such as Alzheimer's and dementia and what she says might not always be…"

Subaru closed the distance between himself and Seishiro, placing his palms on the front of Seishiro's jacket. He hung huge hopeful eyes at the ghost's slightly agitated ones, "You can feel Seishiro-san, you can feel!"

O-ho, the tide has turned didn't it? This is a cause for celebration; if he were just dead there was no way on earth he would be able to keep his Subaru-kun emotionally chained to him as he becomes now! Brilliant! Maybe the guys up there knew what they were doing when they sent him back in this form and not as some random faceless sex spirit.

"And what's most important; currently, you're feeling guilt!" A sneaky light twinkled in Subaru's seeing eye for a moment.

…..

"Uh…."

Subaru turned on his heels and began walking back to his chair, scraping the sticky trench-coat off his shoulders, "Well in that case, let me tell you exactly what it is you should feel guilty about, just to make sure you'll feel guilty about them all, detail by tiny detail."

"Subaru-kun…."

"After all, with you being a ghost and me being the powerful onmyouji that I am, I'm perfectly capable of locking you here with me with one simple flicker of my ofuda."

"hey now…"

Subaru plopped into the sofa, crossing his legs and fishing the folded trench-coat for cigarettes. "Where shall we begin? Ah yes, how about when we first met and you made me see the dead, disfigured body of a little girl…."

Outside the room Kamui and Sorata were trying to press themselves as much as they could to the doors in hope of catching Subaru's words.

"Dude, he's talking to himself!"

"No, he's talking to Seishiro, _Seishiro_ Sora; he's talking to definitely-dead-Seishiro!"

"The poor thing, he's mind's gone down the drain…."

"That's what twenty five years of being the Ultimate Doormat does to a man…"

"I think he just needs a good rest, poor thing had it rough lately."

Kamui tried to keep himself from murmuring about how Subaru's not the only one who had 'a rough time lately' so as not to start a worldwide fangirl war of doom over whose angstier.

Inside Subaru was just starting to discuss the events of the Year, "And then there was the time you switched the boxers Hokuto issued me for the day with that heart-shaped front g-string…."

Seishiro began regretting he couldn't touch objects because the west wall of Subaru's room looked pretty nice to bang his head against a couple of hundred times.

(tbc)

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**A.N: **not funny, I know. "The ultimate doormat" belongs to my beta, Cait who brilliantly invented it, all credit goes to her. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own X for Clamp does. The ghosts-have-white-suits belong to whoever came up with Randall and Hopkirk (deceased).

**Author's Thanks: **To LadyoftheBlackWings (Suby not going to the loony bin…hmm…that'd be hard to do XD), Kamui Shinken (Thank you!), DeathReanimated (Lovely name! sorry to have put you into a situation where exclamation points are your only release XD), Dreamydreamer (Thank you and I didn't celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Hannukah), Soulreciever (I'm glad there's another person who realizes just how ickle-uke Kamui was at that bit), Lunartick (thank you!), Tintangel (you felt embarrassed? Why?), Kakyou-chan (Thank you! I love you!), Gray Wings (Uke tactis rule Clamp's world and lead Kamui's life, the poor thing), to Ryutsuki from my LJ (Ghosts in the butcrack…hmm…inspiring….) and Teko (MY BELOVED! READ THE LATEST A NEW WORLD AND REVIEW IT!)

I have no excuse for not updating earlier other then having work and a new boyfriend. Forgive me. Cookies will be generously given during this chapter.

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**Part II – It's not that bad, is it?**

"Seishiro-san! Stop doing that, at once!"

Since his lover's agonizing story took about twenty three hours, forty minutes and three seconds to tell (and that's only the time it took for Subaru to get to where he was now, it was not the full story), Seishiro began finding things to occupy his mind while Subaru piled more and more guilt-inducing information on his poor metaphysical brain.

At first, Seishiro tried to peep into the rooms nearby to see what the other Seals were doing. This led to Subaru screaming at him not to do that. The rooms neighboring Subaru's belonged to the happy inugami mistress and the silent miko, two people Subaru did not want to expose to the assasin's eyes.

Seishiro never knew the minimum time it took to consume a single pack of pocky was 4.5 minutes, nor did he wish to see the process needed for such quick consummation. But he saw it anyway, because he _really _didn't want to listen when Subaru told him about his attempted molestation of Subaru at Tokyo Tower, what it did to the poor boy and about the blackmail letters (pictures included) the cleaning lady who happened to be on the scene sent Subaru's grandmother.

"My god, she looked like the Cookie Monster just now!"

"Are you paying attention, Seishiro-san?"

"Sure, sure I do…"

Seishiro poked his head into Arashi's room.

Arashi was combing her hair.

Seishiro waited five minutes for the preening to be over and something more personal or more interesting would start happening.

Meanwhile he stared at Subaru and nodded, feeling the sides of his ghostly skull threaten to implode if another one of his nasty tricks was told to him. He poked his head into Arashi's room again.

Arashiwas combing her hair.

Seishiro returned his attention to his semi-widowed lover and kept the show going for ten minutes. Then poked his head in again.

Arashi was combing her hair.

Seishiro retracted his head. "She seems to have nothing better to do…."

"_What!_"

"Wha? Huh? What did you say?"

Subaru stomped his foot and rose towards Seishiro, a flush of ofuda ready in his palm, "What did you say about my grandmother!"

"Urp.." Seishiro blinked and backed up against the wall. "U-uh….I-I wasn't paying attention, Subaru-kun…" The onmyouji's eyes were starting to glow red, "B-because I was suddenly stuck by a bout of flashback, remembering what you just told me, I was distracted by horrid guilt for the damage I caused you when I did what you just said I did. Why? What were you saying about your Obaa-san….-sama-dono?"

Subaru's brows lowered on his brilliant jade eyes, making him look like a particularly angry version of an angry Sesame Street Bert. "I was telling you about the time you took me and Hokuto-chan to McDonalds for breakfast, what could have _possibly_ gotten you so guilt ridden about _that_!"

Seishiro kicked his undead brain into action.

Placing his phantom palms on his lover's shoulders, he averted his eyes from the other man's and furrowed, "Think about it, Subaru-kun, McDonalds for _breakfast_? And that wasn't even before the Supersize Me movie was out; it was before McDonalds started to actually make healthy food. I was horrified at my lack of concern for your arteries' condition…"

"It's 1999, Seishiro-san, Supersize Me isn't even out yet…."

"Y-yes, but that doesn't make 1991's McDonalds' food any healthier, does it?"

"Hmph."

"No, what was it that you said about your precious Obaa-sama-dono, Subaru-san?"

Subaru walked back to his chair and plopped into it, crossing his arms on his chest and shooting the ghost a poisonous glare, "I said she kept warning me about the Sakurazukamori clan and how I should never remove my gloves."

Seishiro retracted from his memory the gist of their conversation so far to recall what he had said after that. "Ah yes, and I said 'she seems to have nothing better to do'….Well, she doesn't…"

Subaru pulled the ofuda out again.

That did it for Seishiro, "Oh, _come on,_ Subaru-kun! What do you want me to say about the woman who cast that pesky little spell on your gloves so that whenever I sedated you and tried to molest you it'd lash out at me and stop you from sating my hand fetish?"

"You have a hand fetish, Seishiro-san?"

"N-no…"

"…."

"…shit…"

"You're a pervert; are you aware of that, Seishiro-san?"

"Shut up."

"You're a pervert. You are a pedophiliac, hand fetish infested pervert."

"Hey, I may get off from hands and gloves and gloved hands and fingers and fingernails and….oh damn, I'm running my mouth….never mind, whatever! I'm no Humbert Humbert!"

"Yes you are."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

Sorata knocked on Subaru's door. He went unheard and presumed the onmyouji was asleep. Therefore, he took the basket of folded laundry and entered Subaru's room.

The onmyouji got up and, pointing his finger at Seishiro (who was standing with his back to the door) screamed, "I was underage and you admitted you tried to molest me! That makes you a pedophiliac pervert you….you….pedophiliac pervert; oh, hello Sorata-san."

The monk took a moment to recover before he remembered his little conversation with Kamui.

The two of them decided that ignoring Subaru's delirium was the best way to cooperate with the man's new habit of raving and talking to himself.

He braced the laundry basket and, very slowly, walked to Subaru's table which stood by his closet, and began pulling Subaru's things out of there.

"Oh look, it's the tactless twit of a monk."

"He's not tactless, Seishiro-san, he just needs to better learn how to socialize. He lived all his life amongst monks; what could have prepared him for the existence of real-life society?"

Sorata stopped folding Subaru's undershirts and shot a glance at Subaru across his shoulder, "Are you talking to me, Subaru-san?"

"I'm talking to Seishiro, about you."

"Ah, right."

"He says you're a tactless twit. I say you're not."

"And has absolutely no sense of fashion; say I said he has no sense of fashion, Subaru-kun."

"Seishiro-san also told me to tell you that he thinks you have no sense of fashion."

Sorata sighed, darting his eyes to the spot where this legendary Seishiro stood. "He said that, did he?"

"Ah, finally someone who listens to me. Tell him that I don't hold it against him, though bright yellow can grow rather tedious on the eyes. Tell him that it's completely excusable that he has no sense of fashion since he's only a straight man and straight men are known to be inferior in these departments."

Subaru conveyed the message to Sorata.

Having finished his laundry duty at Subaru's room and having nothing better to do, also since he wanted to evaluate Subaru's condition better, Sorata turned around and decided to play along. "Oh, really? So, I have no sense of fashion because I'm straight, right?"

"Yup. I mean, _come on_, wearing your hat with the cap _backwards_? That's _so _early 90's, where did you live until now, in a cave?"

Subaru repeated the ghost's speech.

"I see. How would you recommend I dress then, _Sakurazuka-san_?"

"A paper bag on your head would make you look ever so better."

"I'm not saying that, Seishiro-san. I'm not having you insult my fellow Seals, sorry."

"What? What did he say?"

"I'm not going to repeat it."

"Oh, Subaru-kun, you're no fun anymore."

"What did he say?"

Subaru sighed, "He said a paper bag on your head would make you look ever so better."

Sorata stared at Subaru. He looked back at the laundry basket. "Right. And next time you feel like putting _these_ things," the monk held a heart-shaped front g-string before the onmyouji, "into the common laundry bin, think again." He threw the thing back on Subaru's desk and left the room in a huff.

"Awww, you kept the g-string, Subaru-kun, I'm touched." Yes, he was touched. So touched his heart started beating faster, his face started flushing; he was crying. "Oh no, I'm NOT growing mushy now, **I AM NOT!**"

The corner of Subaru's lip twitched with what can only be described as a sneaky smirk. He got up, casting his eyes at the floor, placing a theatrical palm on his chest.

"Of course I kept it. I kept everything Seishiro-san ever gave me. I kept that stupid false compatibility test we got at Sunshine 60, I kept the cigarette box you sent me to buy at the karaoke place, I kept every receipt from every tube of hand cream I ever had to buy because of you."

A tremor rampaged across Seishiro's ethereal body; he tried to fight it but he couldn't. "S-Subaru-kun….y-you…y-you really love me, don't you….you saved everything I ever gave you…..t-that's so sweeet…..Aww, Subaru-kun." He threw himself at the onmyouji to hug the man and ended up going straight through him and into the chair behind the man.

"Oh, good heavens, I sound like a lovesick junior high school girl...**_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, SUBARU-KUN!_**"

Subaru chased his ghostly lover around the room. With every step he took towards the phantom, Seishiro took a frightened step back.

"When I heard your name, or thought about you, whenever you were near me, I felt warm," he placed his palms, one atop the other, where his heart was, "right heeeeere."

"Aww….. **ENOUGH! ENOUGH OF THIS TORTURE! I AM _NOT_ TURNING INTO A MUSHY-MUSHY HAPPY GOO BECAUSE YOU'RE SHOWING SENTIMENTS, SUBARU-KUN!** I am a cold-hearted, _emotionless_ bastard! I hurt you and watch you twitch with sadistic delight, I am not going to start going teary eyed because you try to pull a Happy Come On volume 2 on me!"

"I love you, Seishiro-san; you are someone _special_ to me…"

"Don't start talking with that Clamp-have-no-balls-enough-to-make-one-man-admit-he-loves-another-man-so-they-use-metaphore-and-code-names language with me!"

"You were the one person I did not want to be angry with me."

The ghost grabbed at its hair, pulling it, "**Noooo!_ I will not give in! I will not give in!_**"

The room became quiet as the two men stared at each other, one with horror and the other with anticipation.

"I loved you too, Subaru-kun; I loved you sooo muuuuuuuch." The ghost went tumbling on its knees, wrapping its metaphysical arms around the living man's legs.

The smirk on Subaru's lips was full blown.

* * *

Sorata walked back into the dorm unit's living room, sighing with exasperation.

"Well?" Kamui, who was busy making dinner with Yuzuriha, left his assignment and walked up to the monk, "How is he?"

"He's one onigiri short of a bento."

Kamui blinked.

"What?"

"That's my line…."

Sorata blinked.

"What?"

"What what?"

Kamui sighed, he was used to it though, so he pulled himself together immediately. "You said 'he's one onigiri short of a bento,'" He Who Wields the Authority of God explained slowly, "and since I didn't understand what you said I asked 'what?'"

"Ah! I was trying to Japan-ise the phrase 'one sandwich short of a picnic basket'."

Kamui fought back the glare he was going to give the monk. "Sorata, since when do you show signs of sophistication?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're usually a tactless twit who says things the way they are and does not try to fancy them up, is all."

"Oh, so I'm just a dumb, thick headed, fashion-senseless man who's every fault relates to the sole fact that he prefect chicks over guys? Is that it? Well, excuse me, mister Superior Homosexual, but that's the way I was born! Deal with it!"

Kamui blinked and finally unleashed that glare at his comrade, "It seems that everyone here are hell-bent on the idea that I'm gay! After all I've been through because of Kotori's death, you still think I preferred her brother? Why!"

"Oh please, the poor girl was more masculine than you, Kamui; give us all a break and stop pretending. We accept you just the way you are; a cranky, angsty, attention-addict, codependent, hot-headed, impish, awkward, not-so-good-in-school, aloof, Prima Donna, homosexual. With you choosing to be the Dragon of Heaven and incidentally being our leader, it's not like we have any choice other than accepting you."

"You _are_ a tactless twit Sorata." Yuzuriha called from the kitchen.

"O-oops…"

"Sorata…"

"Yes, Kamui?"

"Remember the time you came to my sickbed after Saiki wounded me…"

"Yes?"

"And you pissed me off…"

"Yes…"

"And I wanted to kick your ass and at the last minute I decided against it?"

"Y-yes?"

"I'm beginning to regret that."

"Oh."

The two youths stared at each other.

"Sorata…"

"Yes?"

"That was your cue to get the hell out of here before I kick your ass for that time and for what you just said…"

"Oh, right, right. Well, it seems I have better things to do now, bye bye!" The monk ran up the stairs and into his room faster than you can say **'OMG! AxAA IS NOW OFFICIALLY CANON!**(1)'

"Wow, Kamui," Yuzuriha came out of the kitchen to Kamui's side, the wok she was stir-frying dinner with still in her hand, "those anger management courses you're taking are really helping you."

"Yeah, I know." Kamui beamed at her.

Five minutes later he blew up a pillow with his ki.

* * *

"I can't touch things, I can't be seen or heard by anyone other than you, I go _through_ things like I'm air and I'm stricken by emotions! This bites! I know I've been a pricky bastard, but is _this_ really the punishment I deserve?" Seishiro whimpered.

He placed himself on the bathroom floor, curled up with his knees drawn under his chin, his hands covering his face.

"But at least I've got you around me, Subaru-kun, to cheer me up."

"Get out of here, Seishiro-san, get out of here now."

"Aww, but why, Subaru-kun?"

"Because I'm taking a shower and I will not have you lurking here like a dead peeping tom!"

"But it's fun."

"Get out!"

"No."

"Seishiro-san, get out, **_now!_**"

"Make me."

Going through doors and walls finally proved as efficient for Seishiro as he avoided the hailstorm of ofuda Subaru sent at him. While the paper spells became attached to the bathroom door, Seishiro walked right through it, unharmed.

Subaru came bursting through the door, his shirt and pants still behind him in the bathroom, brandishing ofuda flushes in each hand.

Whoosh, "You are _not_ getting away with such behavior, Seishiro-san!" Whoosh, "There's only some extent to which I'm going to sit back," whoosh, "and let you hover around me!" Whoosh, "I have a life, you know, Seishiro-san," brand new set of flushed ofuda, "and I've been trying very hard to get back on track since your death and make some progress beyond you," whoosh, "and you're not going to just waltz in here," whoosh, "and demand that I go back to my Seishiro-san-obsessed self," whoosh, "by constantly running around me!" Whoosh, "I'm going to get on with my life," whoosh, "even if it means I'll exorcise you!" Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

"Is everything all right, Sumeragi-san?" Arashi, who volunteered to be the 'walk in on Subaru once in a while to see just how bad he is so we can complete that form the mental hospital told us to fill out' tonight, asked as she walked in on a half naked Subaru and a room absolutely covered by ofuda.

"Ah, yes, Kishuu-san. I'm so sorry you have to see me like this, but, you see, Seishiro-san was trying to peep on me taking a shower and I was giving him an earful for it."

Arashi nodded and stayed calm, politely averting her eyes from Subaru's exposed chest, thus earning many a 'ZOMFG! I WANT TO BE ARASHI NOW!1!1!' from a million (or more) fangirls out there in the real world, "I see."

"I was also telling him that I'm going to start moving on with my life beyond grieving for him."

"Of course you are, Sumeragi-san, good for you. Good luck with that."

"Thank you, I appreciate your support. Stop poking your head into her, Seishiro-san, it's not polite."

"I'm trying to see where she keeps that sword of hers."

"It's none of your business where her sword's at and that's not a decent place to stick your head into, Seishiro-san!"

Arashi's cool was beginning to wear off.

Now, when we speak of Arashi's cool we must imagine, say, Antarctica and all its glacial landscape to better assess the extent and might of said cool.

This slight wear of her cool was like a tiny crack in one of the smaller glaciers, right under the foot of a penguin out for a nice swim in the icy sea, in search of some tasty fish to bring to its chick waiting for him on its mother's feet.

What the papa-penguin does not know is that beyond the rim of the (now slightly cracked) rim of the glacier on which he is standing is a killer whale, or, as the scientists prefer to call it; a very, very big predator, who is also very hungry and a penguin the size of papa-penguin will make a wonderful meal. So, dear readers, take a deep breath and shout at the screen, "No, papa-penguin! Don't go fishing just yet, the chick and your wife be damned! You value your life, do you not!"

But this has very little to do with the plot of this fic, other than the dead Seishiro's obsession with penguins (and hands, apparently, but those two obsessions are not on the same level because, as perverted as Seishiro was, he was not _that_ perverted) and so we'll go back to the conversation between Subaru and Arashi:

"Goodnight, Subaru-san."

"Goodnight, Kishuu-san, and I'm sorry I troubled you."

"Yes, next time please try to shout a little more quietly, all right?"

"Yes, yes, of course. If you keep distracting me by calling her a frigid virgin, Seishiro-san, I'll _really_ start throwing ofuda at you!"

The iceberg under papa-penguin's feet cracked completely and the poor aquatic bird was cast into the icy water, directly into the very, very big predator's hungry jaws.

Let us have a moment of silence in memory of papa-penguin and his poor orphaned baby-penguin and lonely widowed mama-penguin.

…

"I was meaning to say something about those ofuda, Sumeragi-san. The cleaning lady's going to have a lot of trouble peeling all of them off the walls and furniture tomorrow morning, try to be more considerate of members of the working class."

"I have no mercy for cleaning ladies, Kishuu-san."

Arashi left. The ice cracked under mama-penguin and baby-penguin and they soon joined their father and husband in the whale's belly.

"Where do you get all those ofuda from, anyway? It must take you days to make all of them. I was trying to examine your clothes to see where you're hiding them; a man can only have so many pockets on him." Seishiro inquired.

"I'm four-dimensional (2)."

"….ah…."

"I've been meaning to ask you something, Seishiro-san."

"If by talking to me you're going to stay in nothing but your boxers, then fire away."

Subaru brushed the comment away and spoke on, "Why me?"

"Eh?"

"Of all the onmyoujis in the world, of all the Sumeragi out there, you had to fall in love with me."

"I believe that Casablanca tribute aught to be coming from me."

"How so?"

"Of all the parks in the world, of all the sakura trees in Ueno Park, why did you have to come to _my_ tree?"

"It was the only tree possessed by angry spirits, Seishiro-san. Being an onmyouji, I had to do something about it."

"Ah, that brings back memories. You were so sweet in that cute little shikifuku of yours…"

"Have I mentioned you are a pedophile before, Seishiro-san?"

"Stop that already, you were not underage at that time."

"I was _not_! I was nine years old!"

"I meant in the Year of the Bet, Subaru-kun."

"I was sixteen, that's underage too."

"Ah, yes, but it's the age of consent, isn't it?"

Subaru sighed and covered his face with his hand, trying to rub the pain out of his temples.

"Seishiro-san, why me?"

"Ah, you already asked that question a moment ago. Is your memory going?"

"Why did you choose to possess me, _me_ of all people!"

"That's a rather stupid question, don't you think, Subaru-kun?"

"You could have stayed in the background and just watched me without having to make your presence known!"

"I wanted to be an incubus and molest you at night, but some, rather bitchy, angels decided against it. What can I do about it?"

"Yes, but….you could have vanished the moment you realized I could see you; why didn't you just leave me alone? Now everyone thinks I'm mad! As we speak, they're sitting in the kitchen, filling out a form to get me hospitalized in a loony bin! And it's all your fault!"

"Ah! I see you've mastered the art of making shiki invisible to esoteric Buddhists' eyes."

"Answer me."

"Who said you had to talk back to me? It's not my fault I panicked because I noticed you can see me and I couldn't help panicking because I now have emotions thanks to that stupid death thing!"

"Oh, so now I'm to blame!"

"Damn right you are! You don't see Light Yagami raving on to Ryuuk in the middle of the damn street, do you? The moment you know you're possessed by something not everyone knows about, you don't talk to that someone when others are around you!"

"You're mentioning characters from stuff that isn't out yet again, Seishiro-san. This isn't a Leareth fic, may I remind you."

"You aught to be thankful, you know, for only having me and not something much worse."

Subaru, who was now the one to curl up on the floor in a state of misery, "What could _possibly_ be worse than this!"

"Bah! Have you ever read Hikaru No Go? You could have been like that poor boy and be possessed by a make-up using Go-obsessed uke!"

Subaru glared at Seishiro. He got up and walked to the bathroom, placing a barrier on the door before entering and turning the key in the lock three times.

Seishiro stared at the barrier for a while, exasperated. "You know I can walk through walls too, Subaru-kun."

No answer.

Seishiro walked through the wall to the left, took a right turn and walked right into a very wet, very naked Subaru.

"Hello, Subaru-kun! My, you better lay off the boiling water, your perfect skin is getting all pink and red."

Subaru screamed in horror.

* * *

"Do you think we aught to go check up on that?" Yuzuriha asked, raising her eyes from the administrating form.

The four young Seals exchanged looks.

"Nah, the more we talk to him is the more we encourage him."

"Do you know if Subaru has sensitivity to any sort of medication?" The Seals shook their heads. Arashi moved to the next checkbox in the list, "Has any sleeping problems?"

"Does calling for help because a dead man is trying to molest him counts as a sleeping disorder?" sighed Yuzuriha, who was the one woken up that night to the screams Subaru emitted.

"Do you think they'll give him shock treatment first or put him in one of them padded rooms for a while to see how he's doing? And if he'll never recover, do you think they'll give him a lobotomy?"

"….You're a tactless twit, Sorata."

"…Uke."

Boom.

(tbc)

* * *

(1) A cookie to anyone who knows what I'm talking about.

(2) A cookie to anyone who knows where that's from.


End file.
